A year in anorexia recovery + new year goals

Hey everyone
Today I have a post that reflects on my past year in anorexia recovery and my 2017 year goals.

To think, that a year ago (25.12.15) I cried at a dinner plate with the thought I was going to gain weight even on Christmas day -it scares me- but to think now I'm only anxious about the thought of Christmas is so lovely and I hope there will be no tears. The harsh reality is, that I don't know there will be no tears because anorexia in a matter of seconds can have the real Becca swallowed up whole and in fear of even a bit of an apple from making me gain weight. It happens less so now than it has ever done but still happens a handful of times a month, last year it was a daily occurrence as I'd only been out of inpatient treatment for 2 and a bit months. Now I've been out for a year and 2 and a bit months.

Things have changed both physically and mentally for me in the past year, I've gone from a small UK size 4 (still with a bit of room to gain weight) to now a size 10/12. Not only have a gained the weight I needed to but my hair, nails and skin have thanked me for eating as they now don't break, fall out or get as spotty as they used to.

I can't say this year has been easy, infact at times its been impossible due to losing my gran and hamster in September / October but with the downs I've had I've had up (probably more ups than downs); I've been hanging out with friends who I love dearly and who make me laugh, smile and sometimes cry with the pains from laughing (such and amazing feeling), I've been able to eat loads of food that a year ago I wouldn't have imagined and also been able to have energy to go on shopping sprees.

For next year my 7 goals are to:
  •  discharged from camhs (child adolescents mental health service) 
  •  have more fun days with crying from laughter 
  • complete my exams with the best grades possible 
  •  do half college half school next year 
  •  stay blogging 
  •  take loads more photos to look back on great times
  •  go out for dinner more often without anxiety

What has life taught you this year - for me it's that what ever happens something good comes out of the bad and that someone will always be here to support me, even if I don't belive anyone cares. I've learnt also that having a small number of close friends is better than being popular and knowing everyone but not having a few really close friends.

Have you learnt anything this year? If you don't mind answering leave it below.

Until next time
Becca xx

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